Farewell Singapore - You will be dearly missed

Singapore was the idea of change and adventure. And five years ago we needed that adventure, in a life situation that had stagnated in its in own safe habit. My husband was travelling so much for work that we hardly saw each other and I sometimes woke up knowing he had left for a business trip, but wasn't able to remember where. I was surviving a difficult reorganisation, just noticing how years of work building a professional team was just thrown away, from one week to another. I never dreamed about living abroad and I was terrified moving away from everything I thought was home. But suddenly I found myself in a situation where the unhappiness made me think that a change could make things better. Five years ago, Singapore felt like the best choice. I had been there, passing by on my way between Europe and South East Asia and I liked the city with the strange and exciting mixture of new and old, future and history. So, at that point, Singapore became the idea of change and adventure.

We moved away with almost nothing with us. A few boxes with the dive equipment, the espresso machine and the striped cups. I remember those last weeks of packing and farewells as quite dramatic. It was almost impossible to know in advance how I would feel, arriving in that new place with no job, no context and oceans of time. And while my husband went to work I reinvented my own life knowing absolutely no one. I started a blog, I wrote a book, I walked around. We discovered Singapore together and we found somewhere to live. We created a home and we found people to hang out with. We played badminton. And I got a job I resigned from before I had even started.

Singapore gave me the confidence to make my own decisions and the freedom to be who I am. I have become better at initiating things here, but also stronger at saying no. And I found the church again, after quite many years without it. A church where I felt I belonged and I became a part of a context that created extraordinary things. Where I sang a lot and re-realised how fun it is doing things together. It also inspired me to reconnected with the idea of mixing psychology with theology and  I started studying again. 

Then I got a job in one of the prettiest buildings in the city. An oasis where the walls were green and life very real. Where I felt seen, listened to and respected and where we have laughed and cried together and shared the professional struggles in the small kitchen where it is always too warm. Where 30 seconds sometimes is enough to just shake one case off and approach the next, but where we sometimes had hours to share the everyday stuff. And to learn to know each other. A place where I was greeted with a "Hi, how are you, have you had your lunch?", which made me feel incredibly cared for.

Singapore makes life really easy, since you just take your flip flops and leave the house. No cleaning the car from snow, no heavy jackets or complicated boots. The worst thing that could happen is an unexpected monsoon rain, but you never get cold anyway. And after a while there was another network growing. Not the one built of friends and colleagues, but the one of the people you encounter almost every day. Like the guard in the lobby and the sweet couple in the small store in the basement. Or the ones working at the favourite dim sum restaurant and the nice ladies at the coffee shop at work who know exactly how I want my coffee. These people exist everywhere in the whole city; those who recognise me and therefore make me feel safe and less lonely.

And in a transient city you have to catch every opportunity, since waiting always means that friends eventually would leave for another destination. It is easy to eat out, meet up during weekdays or weekends and quite close for anyone to reach any place. It makes things convenient, until you actually have to say goodbye to friends you will never share the same city, country, or even continent with again. And friends did leave and I did cry. And grieve. And then I met new ones. 

We are now preparing to move away from this city that gave me adventures and happiness, confidence and laughter. But also a place that let me discover new levels and aspects of myself. Where I have become a braver person, more robust and resilient. But in many ways also more sensitive. It is time. It is the right move and I feel happy about it. But it is also with mixed feelings we say good bye to a life we have created and slowly built up. To friends, colleagues and a home on the 63rd floor. I am grateful for every opportunity I got and for the people I learned to know and for whom I will always have a place in my heart. We will arrive in Stockholm with memories and new insights, trying to make these new thoughts work out and fit into the life that will soon start. There is nothing more to say than; "Farewell Singapore! You will be dearly missed."