Failing the toffee cooking while chasing the right spirit

It is the season when we are chasing feelings. The childhood Christmas feeling, the peace and quiet feeling, the sense of belonging somewhere, the being part of a family feeling, the creative feeling, the romantic feeling or the Ernst-feeling. This last one is a Swedish phenomena based on a very famous TV-host who is cooking, decorating and baking in the cosiest possible way. Chasing feelings is tricky business, though, since it rarely takes us where we wish to be. Instead it is usually better, or at least more long lasting, to find our own version of it all. 

I found a lonely Christmas tree today by the stairs down to the metro. I asked my mother, who was with me, if it was morally okay to take it. She thought it was and I grabbed the very tiny Christmas tree and felt like Ernst while I walked away with it. He usually goes out in the forest and finds branches and moss to decorate with and I was happily thinking that this was the urban version of the same thing. They actually made a little fun of me, my family, even though I must admit that one family member kindly helped me carrying it. I brought the small tree home and cut off a few branches to have in a vase and then placed the tiny tree on the balcony. It looks a bit lonely there, but I still feel very happy about it. And Ernst-isch. So I decided to continue with the annually toffee cooking, while I was in this creative and cosy spirit. But I can let you know that the liquorice one got burnt and the vanilla sea salt one is more or less adjusted for people who is interested in visiting their dentist first thing after Christmas. I have clearly lost my toffee cooking skills and the Ernst spirit was unfortunately not enough for succeeding. I have actually never watched Ernst crying over failed toffee. So, I guess I'd better find my own spirit instead of chasing someone else's. And until then I have a tiny tree...